Then books like: Are We Divorced, Too Daddy? by Vickie Gunnells-Hodge, and Dear Judge, Kid’s Letters to the Judge, authored by Charlotte Hartwick, are in existence because of their parents desire for the marriage or relationship to be over for them, and over for their child or children too. Some children are even wondering why divorce means their relationship is over with their other parent too, or some wish they could divorce both their parents. I’m not really sure why anyone would doubt how severely divorce is affecting our children, but listen to these two young ladies talk about divorce for them and tell me if you believe some real help isn’t needed for these families right away?

In Dear Judge, Kid’s Letters to the Judge, a child writes,
Dear Judge,
Please send me the definition of Best Interest of the Child. My parent’s have been divorced for four years now and what I want doesn’t seem to matter. I don’t know how to fix it but I only have one parent or the other at important events. There is always a huge fight about which of them invested the most time in the activity or organization putting on the event. That seems to be the most important part of the question. It doesn’t matter if it is an honors award, sports event, recital, church activity or school open house. I have tried to tell them that these are my events and I need both my parents to attend. They say they can’t stand to be any place near each other. It reminds me that if I show any traits of, or interests encouraged by the absent parent I will cause the parent with me to get angry.

If there is something I want to take part in, I have to make sure everyone has the information and then back off. It causes a whole new fight that is usually not resolved until the deadline or registration is almost closed. They both say they love me. The truth is, neither of them spend the time with me they did before the divorce. I am just something they use to hurt each other. I don’t think either of them has really heard anything I have said since they split.

When I graduate in two years, I am planning to get as far away from both of them as I can. What will they use to hurt each other with then? This makes me so tired. Even when I do good, I don’t feel good.

Sincerely,
Carolyn

From Are We Divorced, Too Daddy? 13-year old Destiny had this to say about her father:
Bad Attitude, page 31
Do you wonder why I have a bad attitude, Daddy?
When before you came nothing was wrong,
Well let me see; who’s ranking on me?
Oh yeah! It’s just my Father.
The first things always out of your mouth any day
Are always something rude and mean;
Like, I know you can put on something better than that?
Or is that even clean?
I say there could be something better than this
If you bothered to send your support on time;
Instead of always having some really lame excuse
As to why you’re always just a little behind.
I see other kids hanging out with their Dad
And I wonder, what’s the matter with me?
These are just some of my thoughts Dear Daddy;
If you have an opinion, feel free to give it to me.
Could it be that attention received from you Daddy?
Is so infrequent, you know very far and in between?
Or could it be that when you finally show up?
Your only pleasure is being stupid and mean?
You never compliment me on anything that I do,
Or say anything nice about the things I wear;
Yet your pleasure in life when it comes to me
Is to see if you can try to make me cry, today.
My mother is there for me all the time, Daddy
For her there’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
But where is my Father, where could he be?
Oh yeah! He’s busy with his new friends and new life, too.
You’re really, really sorry Daddy for making things so hard
While you’re living on easy street,
What did we do to make you become so unfeeling?
Now you function like you have no feelings, and we’re through.
Is your hatred limited to us in this house, Daddy?
Or is it strictly directed at just me?
Because you’re missing some really important times Daddy
Times; I’m guessing that don’t seem to mean a thing.
I’m really happy when the bad mood passes
Because that drama, my Mom doesn’t deserve,
I hate that you have any kind of power over me
But Bad Attitude is all you deserve.

     In a perfect world, we’d all like to think that this type of pain inflicted on these young ladies would have to come from a stranger because real parents would never hurt their own child or children this way. But this pain, for these children, as well as others, has come from one or both of the people who are directly responsible for them being a living, breathing, being in this world.

     Do we really need to wonder why our children are trying to grow up at times too fast? Or why our babies are having babies? We as parents must realize that our children should still come first, and we should see what the damage of “having our way” is causing to and for our children.

     Because when a child looks at her graduation from high school not as the plateau for the furtherance of her life; but instead an escape from parents who refuse to love her the right way, we need to check ourselves. Or when a child believes that disrespect is necessary toward a parental figure because respect is not extended to her in the way her parents try to dish it out, we as parents need to check ourselves. Our children are hurting and because we as the parents believe what we want is more important than what’s best for our child, the situation for them becomes almost unbearable. If you guys couldn’t work it out for your families sake o.k.; but your child still deserves the right of loving both their parents simply because you are both their parents. If this could be understood, lived, and carried out, our children would be in far greater shape psychologically.

     Love In Abundance wants to help all children both realize and strive to reach their level of excellency, and this can happen with their needs being more important than that of their parents. And because we must all still operate as one cohesive unit for the sake of our children, Love In Abundance will help the parents of our participants realize their continued responsibility to their child or children through self-help group counseling so they can gain the necessary help and support for themselves; while remaining or becoming positive, loving, attentive parents to their child or children.

     If you want to admit it or not, the true feeling of family can give any child the knowledge of their endless possibilities and it only takes love, encouragement, a desire for them to succeed, mixed with a little unselfishness on the parts of their parents. Love In Abundance wants to help our participants to continue knowing the feeling of family, as well as being able to experience all the encouragement they can stand so that their child can know that a real future doesn’t just have to be a fantasy, it can be a reality for this group of children and their parents. Won’t you help us help them? Our future depends on it.

With much love,

Vickie Gunnells-Hodge
Chairperson